So, I have been up all night.� Again.� I really should be going to bed more.� I live with the most wonderful man, that I love more than I know how to say.� Yet, most nights he goes to bed alone, and I stay up.
I could go to bed now, but I know I'll just disturb his sleep.� So I postpone. I'll wait until it's nearly time for his alarm, then I'll go and cuddle him - and then I'll finally fall asleep.
In a way, it's better this way.� I know he sleeps better when I'm not tossing and turning and fidgeting next to him.� And I sleep when I would otherwise be on my own here.� And then we get the evening together.� So, it's not all bad.� It's probably for the best.
Except, that isn't the reason I don't go to bed with him.� I stay up because I'm terrified of going to bed, and trying to sleep in the dark, and having nightmare after nightmare, and lying awake in the dark full of anxiety I can't dispell.
So tired.� So very damn tired.
If only being tired was enough to enable me to sleep.
Ugh! I am madly in love with a boy who has a girlfriend. He is soooooo cute! I think he knows I like him. Anyway I am on summer vacation! WAHOO! I an totally out of the USA! I really want to make good friends on here so I accept all friend requests!
LOL and madly in love
ALeks 4eva
If life is like a train ride, mine has temporarily left the tracks.
Today is someone's birthday and I can't remember who it is.� Happy Birthday whomever you are.
- More problems with LDAP in portal dev, but they should be fixed at this point.� The problem only appears on RHEL3/u9 boxes that use Winbind for SAMBA mounts _and_ authentication for users against LDAP/AD.� Turned out to be userID numbers.� Hoops wrote it up and dropped it onto the wally share.
- Back and forth on the date format issue again.� Explained to everyone my understanding of the LC_TIME flag in locale.
locale -c LC_TIME shows how the LC_TIME settings were compiled using localedef for the specific locale. (In my case en_US)�
If you set a variable LC_TIME in /etc/profile, you set it to something like LC_TIME='dutch' or LC_TIME='en_US', or LC_TIME='en_UK',
then whatever program is calling the LC_TIME variable to find out how to format something, it goes out to /usr/lib/locale/en_US/LC_TIME and reads the formatting orders.� But that affects the entire system.
12:00 - Talked with a couple of friends and organized a jailbreak for Saturday.� We're going to go north of Flagstaff and hike a few miles around some extinct volcanos.
- Mon-Chi-Chi still has 'turnstone' on a list someplace even though it was decomm months ago.� Informed him as such.
- back and forth with Pooh over Delphi phys and Oracle.� Looks like my simplest solution is to rebuild the machine and then P-to-V it.
000 - Maintenance window tonight
-- Some MOTHERFUCKER shut down VDI while I was in the middle of working on giant,titan,pine.� Editing sd.conf and lpfc.conf to set up the new dmx3.� I almost fucking came _unglued_.� Called and talked with DC, he says there was a change ticket open and that's the proper notification.� Fine.� My solution?� I'M NOT FUCKING USING VDI ANYMORE.� If they can't send a shutdown warning prior to ripping the systems down, I'm done with it.
-- The same assclowns who took down VDI took down Dilbert too.� you BASTARDS.
-- Issues with the disk grow on the cluster.� More to the point, issues with the cluster.� All notes marked private.� After portal came back up, Pooh tells me the DB isn't open and I have to recycle it.� So I hagrp -offline the group and then bring it online again, everything worked fine.� Didn't even interrupt WAS, but probably because nobody was using it at the time.� Biker Babe was happy.
- DMX cutover was a fucking nightmare.� Mac and Margie worked on it while Chops kept interrupting and making everyone nuts.� I just tried to listen and learn.�
- Talked with Cartman and finally got him to admit that Grandpa Simpson is fucking incompetent.
- Talked with Slick ~midnight.� He'd gotten a few calls from The Thug.� Incredible.
Christy,
I know that it helps you to hate me, but you really need to realize what your hate is doing to me. I am so tired of being hurt by you and I' m not going to put up with it anymore.
I know that you told me that it helps your pain when you sleep with other people. I don't belive that, because I could tell that you are not happy with yourself and it makes you feel wanted to sleep around. That don't help anything at all. It's only going to make you feel all that much worse about yourself and the situation. You need to love yourself before you can ever be loved by anyone else.
The only reason that I'm writing this letter is because I really have got to move on and you keep wanting to stay in my life by sending me email and texts. Even though they are very nasty in nature if you really wanted me out of your life you would leave me alone. You will never see this letter and that's because I want to move on, but you are making it so damn hard to keep my mouth shut.
You really need to help yourself before you go out and hurt anyone else. Making other guys feel a miserable as you is not healthy and it's cruel.
Payton
Quote of the day "Research by Robert Emmons, a psychology professor at the UC Davis, found that people encouraged to keep 'gratitude journals' were far more satisfied with their lives than those who weren't encouraged to accentuate the positive." Universe entry of the day Nothing is left to chance, Ed. The choreography of players and circumstances is plotted with mind-numbing precision. Gigantic forces of attraction are activated and engaged. The odds for your inevitable success begin skyrocketing. And every second of every day is calibrated and recalibrated... whenever you remember to visualize. Who loves you, baby? -The Universe- Journal entry of the day SHIT, I used to hear that all the time on NY radio on Thursdays. So happy it's Thursday. Same ole, same ole. People wishing their lives away not enjoying the moments. I'll admit, it's something I've been guilty of. On our recent bi-annual excursion to see the grandparents, I found myself enjoying the process. Usually, as soon as I hit the car seat, I am wishing I was there. This time, I enjoyed the ride, really, I did. I enjoyed my kids, the stops along the way and I have to say, it made 13 hours seem not so bad. Stop right now and give thanks for where you are, for everything you have and pause and say thank you, to whomever you thank you to. Send soemone a card, a note or just pick up the phone and call them, surprise them.
mind your business you do well
mind mine and go to the well
hahahha
the bottom of the well meaning well HAHAHAHAH
I'm just depressed right now.
I don't like people leaveing me.� And one has.
"Research by Robert Emmons, a psychology professor at the UC Davis, found that people encouraged to keep 'gratitude journals' were far more satisfied with their lives than those who weren't encouraged to accentuate the positive."
I'm thank for for the sunny weather.� I hope that N got home okay to her family and to her destination.� She is so smart and has so much potential.� Maybe being with me held her back.� I love her so.� I really want to be with her though.� She does so much as learn so much and accomplished so much that some times I don't think I deserve her.� Now she leave me and I am sad and feel the loss.� I'm thankful for the time that she gave to me.� and I think that she views the time as a waste and has told me so.� What happens when a marriage begins fresh and new and full of love and then turn into bitter pain.� I will try to recount the time of sweetness.� My gratitude towards her grace and her warmth and her support and companion.
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